His brother and me

His brother.

The one I went home and had consented sex with. I can't stop thinking about him. It's like I created this imaginary link between us that will always stay there. If none of this would have happened, I would have gone on my merry way home and probably never thought about him again, but now I can't stop thinking that he was the last person I had great sex with, and that I will never be with anyone again like that.
Maybe because he was the last person who touched me before I was violated.

I used to feel so guilty toward him. When they first told me he was arrested I just broke down into tears. I so badly didn't want him to think I had accused him of anything. Then thinking that he stayed in jail for a whole night before they could even question him, and tell him that he was not accused of anything by me.

But the police told me that he had to be arrested, that he was the only witness and that they needed his DNA to exclude him, as we had had consented sex earlier.

It's hard enough thinking that someone you had a one night stand with regrets it the next morning. But with him I keep thinking that he thinks it was the biggest mistake of his life to go home with me, and that I ruined his life. Even though it was all his brothers fault that he was arrested and had to sign in at the police station every day for more than 4 months.

I still remember the last time I saw him, and will probably never forget. It was the second time that I went to drive through Fulham with the police to identify the house. I had to get out of the car with my SOIT officer N and a detective to point out the exact door, and as I was pointing it out he looked out of the kitchen window and saw us standing there.

At that moment they ushered me back to the car and the police station. Moments later he was arrested.

It is so weird in this situation because it is not only me and the rapist involved. It is also his brother. It's like this weird threesome. I am sure that he doesnt believe me, and that hurts in a way that is so hard to explain. Of course he would take his brothers side. Maybe he wouldnt care anyway. Maybe that's what they normally do. One of them goes home with someone and then she is fair game to the other.
I will never know the answer to any of these questions. Especially now that they both fled back to Italy.