Ok, I haven't really been posting anything. I have been writing mostly in my journal, so it has felt a bit like writing double really. Will try to write more here now.
Will start to say that I thought, honestly thought, not like those times when you feel ok for a moment, but actually thought I was great, and I was pretty much over it.
Then I found out that my contract is not getting extended. Because I have had to much absence this year. Even though they know it was because of the rape.
So basically he has taken everything from me now. He has taken a piece of me, he has taken friends, family, he has now also taken what mattered to me the most, and what helped me come back; my job.
Went downhill again from there.
I went away on holiday which was great, but I made the stupid mistake of bringing my journal, because apparently the customs guards need to read them in case they find something dodgy in there. So the customs guard at Heathrow starts reading my journal where I wrote about my rape from the first page. I can't explain the feeling of standing there watching him read my personal pages that no one has ever read. Words I wrote only for myself.
After that I realised that I am definitely not still over it. And I have no idea when I will be.
It has been almost 9 months since that Italian scumbag felt the need to stick his dick somewhere it didnt belong, but it still feels like yesterday, even though at the same time it feels so far away in a distant world, that none of it happened. Like it was all just a bad dream.
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