I just went back to work today again from my holiday, for the first time since I found out my contract was not getting renewed, and all day long I just couldn't stop thinking about the fact that I only have a few more days left there, and all that he has taken from me. Or that I let him take from me.
I was a disgustingly positive person. I am no more, though I try to continue pretending to be, so that people will not notice the difference, cause how could anyone like me if I am not the same?
I had a best friend who said she loved me like a sister. I have no more, she abandoned me at the first sight of hard times.
My mum was very helpful at first. She is no more, she hasn't even spoken to me in months since we had an argument about alcohol, not even to ask how I am, after I lost my job and everything.
I had a job that I truly loved. I will have no more from next week.
I could have sex and enjoy it, I could be near a man and enjoy it. I can't really anymore, without the influence of too much alcohol.
On a positive note I'm starting to feel a bit better again now. I see a small sliver of
hope again after the losing of job debacle. I have a couple of interviews lined up for good jobs for next
week, so that is something positive to focus on.
And also, if I think back at how bad I was in the first few months, and how many crazy and dangerous situations I got into then because of alcohol and drugs, or anything to relieve the pain temporarily, I have actually come a long way. I might have lost some things, but I am nowhere near as bad as I was a few months ago. I guess wounds do slowly heal. Even the infected ones. Mine was opened a bit again, but I am sure it will start healing again.
No comments:
Post a Comment